Now I Know

Oh yeah, my blog moved.

2005-12-20T12:52:00.000-08:00

My blog has moved! Gay Best Friend is now home to all your sexy Iranian gay boy needs.

Oh yeah, I have a blog.

2005-08-13T15:59:00.000-07:00

I hope you all forgive me- I actually forgot that I had this, haha!
The reason is that I have joined the horrible world that is called 9-to-5, only mine is actually 8:30 to 5:30, and I probably get more benefits than you.

To make a long story short, I've gotten so busy that I completely forgot that I even had the blog, and then I got a new computer and the little blogger bookmark was no longer there to remind me, and voila, no blogging.

Finally, though, I've started to be able to manage my time and deal with the new craziness in my life, so posts should start picking up again- though I'll probably be posting on a schedule, like every sunday or something like that. Sorry for the absence!

Finally

2005-06-17T07:48:00.000-07:00

Cousin-in-law: So, you have girlfriend yet?
Me: No.
Cousin-in-law: Always no! No, No, No! Kai, soon I ask you have boyfriend yet?!?"

Congratulations! After a record time of 22 short years, you are the first person ever to question why I never bring by any girlfriends!

Insulting things that happened to me today:

2005-05-30T14:29:00.000-07:00

1. The used clothing store refused three articles of clothing out of the ten pieces I brought in to sell.
2. The bum on the corner of the street where the used clothing store is refused the three articles of clothing that I offered to him for free.

Area Codes where I have Hoes

2005-05-23T21:11:00.000-07:00

206
949
619
626
530
413
818
714
919
310
925
586
202
858
951 (I'm not proud!)
650
304
917
415
401

An open letter

2005-05-17T19:51:00.000-07:00

Dear ten pounds I've gained as a result of eating nonstop for the last three weeks,

I had a feeling you'd be coming around. It started when I went home for the weekend and my mom said "look at you, you finally look like you're eating enough!" Now, though, my cheeks have passed the point of existing and slightly resemble those of a korean infant. I need you to leave.

It's not so much that I care about the extra weight- you can't tell the difference under my clothes and it's definitely not like I'm getting any, so nobody's seeing the rolls. It's that when I'm walking up any hill- the zoo today, let's say, or on the way to class- my calves are noticing a sudden increase in burden that makes them cramp up slightly.

I'm also concerned with my defined abs. Where did you put them? I didn't just buy those at the store, you know. It took years of core conditioning and yoga for those to join the party. The strangest thing is, my ass is looking as fine as ever. Maybe it's because they're getting so much extra conditioning from lugging you around all day.

Furthermore, I don't appreciate how you've hijacked my digestive system. I admit I've overeaten a bit recently, but now my stomach is so stretched out that I'm constantly hungry. How the hell is this going to stop? You think I'm going to diet? It's not happening. I've never dieted before and I'm not going to start. If you want me to exercise, you be careful buster, you might get just that, and I promise you'll hate it more than I do.

Yours truly,
Kai Azad

ADDENDUM

Dear Defined Abs:
Please come home.

new flip flops

2005-05-17T15:01:00.000-07:00

new flip flops
Originally uploaded by kaiazad.

I bought a new pair of flip-flops at the mall yesterday.

They neither flip, nor flop.
They are stealth flops.

This will be a great relief to my father, who hates the sound my shoes make, but for me, it's a nightmare. The gentle flip-flop-flip-flopping of my shoes day in and out is sort of hypnotic, and when I was walking to the Mexican place last night for my midnight snack, I felt more like a ~~terrorist~~ ninja than a stylish surf dude.

The best part, though, is that these shoes are 100% animal-free, and unlike my two-year old leather flip-flops, they don't stink up to high heaven, either.

Fruit from the Bazaar and other goodies

2005-05-16T20:43:00.000-07:00

Dried البالو (albaloo)
Originally uploaded by kaiazad.

I thought, maybe if you guys didn't really believe I was Iranian or something, I could offer you some hard evidence, like this here fruit. I don't even know what البالو translates as in English, any help?

Dried Kiwi
Originally uploaded by kaiazad.

And if that's not weird enough for you, here's something I've never seen in the USA before: dried kiwi. Trader Joe's had better catch on quick, because Tavazo Corp. in Iran is on the cutting edge of fruit engineering.

Embroideries
Originally uploaded by kaiazad.

In other news, I went to the San Diego version of the bazaar to purchase a belated mother's day present. My mom really enjoyed Marjane Satrapi's Persepolis, so I thought I'd get her this new book by the same author, only to find that it was a little bit different than the coming-of-age-in-Iran story we had all enjoyed a few years ago.

Iranian Woman Kicks Ass

2005-05-16T14:10:00.000-07:00

Check out this New York Times article about a woman in Iran who is busy feeding the men her dust on the racetrack. She gets bonus points for being sexy, too.

Overpriced goodies

2005-05-15T15:31:00.000-07:00

I figure I've blabbed on enough about my personal life lately. With the consent of those bitches who require gossip frequently (I mentioned I hooked up with- and I don't mean kissed- a girl a couple weeks ago, right? That's all you get to hear about it, ha!), I'm going to post about some shit I'd like to buy.

Like these $7000 tetris shelves. Except I'm smart and am having them custom made by a hard-working Mexican carpenter, not some greedy artiste. I'm post-modern and frugal.

See also the Cultivate collection, specifically the VK001 chair (damn flash interface! Navigate to collection-->furniture-->VK001 to see it yourself). I've been admonished by two of my dear friends, who advised me that the chair looks like "a melted hershey bar" and "beef jerkey wrapped onto a lawn chair," but they're both wrong. Sorry dears!

While I am in my cleverly-furnished abode, I'll be wearing these typography-inspired threads and having sex with my harem of men who model for these fine shirts.

Go! And purchase these things for me.

Guess who went clubbing!?

2005-05-12T00:26:00.000-07:00

Going out to the bar invariably means one thing- two things-- I am going to spend the first half of my time in there thinking how I absolutely abhor everyone in sight, and then I am going to spend the last half of my time in there wondering why nobody likes me.
Today was the first night I have gone out in about a month- getting slipped a roofie at a club a month and a half ago kind of killed my urge to party. I don't know why I was surprised to see the exact same people there that I always did, but I was half expecting to see a whole new cadre of homos. Needless to say, that wasn't the case.
The worst part was seeing a guy, Tim, that I had a huge crush on months ago and exchanged numbers with. I called, he never called back, and then having called twice more without so much as a text message in return, I gave up and took his number off the phone. So I go and I flirt, ask why he hasn't called, tell him that I still want to hang out and he'd better call me because I don't have his number anymore. He smiles and flirts back and says we'll go get persian food. Fast forward to five minutes later, and I'm talking to this guy I know, Richard. I forget how we got to the topic- oh right, he was asking me what I planned to do after graduation, and I joked "marry rich," to which he responded "it's better to marry not-yet-rich. That's what I'm doing, my boyfriend is a grad student." I take a small sip of my drink. Tim is getting his PhD. "Who's your boyfriend?" I ask. "Oh, he's around here somewhere, let me see if I can find him." "What's his name?" I ask, not even really asking, since I saw the two of them talking earlier and now I'm just confirming what is at this point making me very close to throwing up. I don't even wait for him to respond. I answer my own question with a question- "Tim?" And he smiles and nods and says "yeah! do you know him?" At which point I think, but definitely do not say, "yes, five minutes ago he said he'd call me and we'd go out to dinner together." What I do say is, "How long have you two been dating?" and the answer is "A couple of months" which is not as long ago as I asked Tim out myself, and how fucking could he? How could he go out with that skinny-ass, broken-nose, broke-ass bitch Richard and not want to go out with me? I know Richard. Richard is an OK guy. Nice, whatever, but never really struck me as anything special. Which, whatever, that's not fair to him, because I'm sure he's great, but why him and why not me.
That's the principal issue.
Secondary- this should really be primary but whatever, I typed the other part first- is that I don't really feel like any of my friends here would even notice if I disappeared. I say this because while they do often greet me with "Hey, we haven't seen you in forever, how are you?" they don't ever randomly call me, nor do they return my calls. It's like their duty is to say hello in an enthusiastic manner and make me feel welcome but then they only talk about things that I have no familiarity with, like X dating Y and Z getting drunk at Q's party, which I wouldn't know because, oops, I'm never invited.
My explanation to myself has often been "they're intimidated by me." But don't be fooled, I'm not that into myself. While I like the idea that I am so staggeringly big of a personality that nobody wants to be my little sidekick, I doubt that it is so.
My mind isn't clear yet, but I'm more or less done bitching for now.

Revelation

2005-05-04T00:30:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, a friend of mine told me that he had recently been diagnosed as HIV positive.
I have never known anybody until know that was HIV+, or at least who had told me.
Consequently, I cried. I cried a lot more than I was expecting to cry, because for years now I knew that eventually, I or someone I know will become HIV+, and I would have to cope with it. The problem is, even though nobody deserves it and you never expect it, the person who told me he had gotten it was absolutely the last person I'd expect and absolutely does not deserve it.
I kept thinking, "Oh my god." I kept saying, "Oh god". And I kept having to remind myself, "Kai, you don't believe in god." And I had this dilemma, because I don't believe in god, because what fucked up god would allow this to happen on his watch? But I also had absolutely nobody to talk to that might lend me any kind of solution to my emotions, so I turned to God. It really confused me because it has been years- certainly longer than how long I've been an athiest- since I had experienced something that so confounded my capacity to deal on a purely rational level. Part of the reason I stopped believing in god was that all of my life experiences up to that point kept telling me that the whole thing was just a sham, that I was foolish for believing in god, and now all of a sudden I had a hard time dealing with something and I needed one all the same.
In the conversation leading up to his telling me he had HIV, I had this absolutely horrible feeling in my stomach, like I was going to throw up, and every step the conversation took closer to that conclusion the louder I kept hearing in my head, "no, no, no, no". I'm not going to lie and say that the two of us have always been very close friends- I've known him for a year and a half and we are in between acquaintance and friend, although in the last few days we've done a lot of talking and I know in the future we will definitely be much closer. The complication is that he is somebody who I have long been very interested in.
I discovered something about myself that I find bewildering. Finding out that he is HIV+ did not make him less attractive to me. Not that this is about me, but of course in the process of comprehending everything the night after he told me (I promise you I didn't sleep very much- I couldn't), this was one of the subjects I thought about. I know there are lots of positive/negative couples and that with the proper precautions the negative partner will never contract HIV. I know that I don't judge him for one mistake, that I don't buy the stigma attached to it. What I didn't know, what I absolutely did not expect from myself, is that I might still be capable of being attracted to someone who is going to have to deal with a very serious illness for the rest of his life.
Upon this discovery, of course, I got scared and confused and suddenly not very sure that I was capable at all, but there you go.
As I talk to him more and more, he tells me things that change how I look at the situation. When I told him that he was the first HIV positive person I've known, he told me that he personally has come to know that friends of mine are HIV+. None of those friends have said anything to me, and I wondered why not. It sort of made me feel bad, like I wasn't somebody that my friends felt they could come to. He told me about all the medications he had to take, and the effects and the side effects, and then asked me (rhetorically) why all this medicine just seemed to be making him more sick. He needs sleeping pills because he can't sleep, and deoderant because all the fevers make him sweat like crazy, and all these other little complications to a life that very certainly didn't need any extra to begin with.
I can't imagine what it would feel like knowing that a mistake you made meant the rest of your life would change forever. He tells me what it feels like, but in my head all I can sense is pain in the most general sense. Just that something has gone horribly wrong and it's absolutely not supposed to be this way.
I don't believe in god, but this disease is so wrong that I can't help but think there's something evil and malicious, lurking.
I gave him a copy of Flight Volume 2 to cheer him up, and I suggest it for anyone who needs cheering. I also gave him a very long hug, and the poor guy had such a high fever that I could feel it on my face the entire drive home.
Last week I performed a monologue for my acting class from Angels in America. Four days later I actually got to see firsthand what that play is really about. HIV/AIDS was always in my mind as one of those bad things, but to actually know someone affected makes it so different... so much worse.

Testing, تستینگ

2005-04-22T18:11:00.000-07:00

فقد میخاسنم ببینم اگر می شود توی فرسی بلگ کرد. اگر بشود، خیای برای تمرین کردن خوب هست!۰
Wow, that was hard. OK, I clearly need a lot of practice with my farsi, but blogging in farsi (and having the gracious assistance of anyone who has better grammar and spelling than me) should help me keep from forgetting too much.

Oh baby

2005-04-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

That's right bitches, Kai Azad has met somebody cute, interesting, and reasonably intelligent for once in his damn life.
He lives literally a block away from me and has his own apartment, so no pesky roommates to deal with. His bed is large and comfortable, he's cute and intelligent and interesting, and when we cuddle there's never an arm in the wrong place or hot breath getting in each others' ears. So, Me = Satisfied, and I can finally shut up about being lonely and sad every day. Hot.

GrrRRRrrrr!!!!!1!~!

2005-04-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

That fat sack of shit is ruining my second favorite show. VOTE HIM OFF ALREADY.

I can fly

2005-04-13T20:53:00.000-07:00

Today I bought volumes one and two of Flight Comics, featuring the brilliant work of Kazu Kibuishi, Rad Sechrist, Khang Le, and one of my favorites from volume two, the very talented author of The Robot and the Sparrow, Jake Parker.

There's a very pretentious concluding essay from Scott McCloud at the end of volume one that I nevertheless admit is spot-on: these anthologies aren't representative of comics up to this point, they are representative of what comics will become in the future. So help me god, if you like comics even a little bit, or, hell, not at all, you need to go pick up these books.

Right.

2005-04-03T08:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Merriam-Webster Word of the Day E-mail service:
I think we all know what 'timeless' means, thank you.
Yours Truly,
Kai Azad

More Time Capsule

2005-04-02T16:25:00.000-08:00

A powerful snippet from an otherwise not-exemplary poem, from June 2001:
Don't flatter yourself to think I'd get
Any pleasure out of angering you.
Everything I say and everything
I do is for the purpose
Sole and unique
Of showing the world a fact about me--
I'm not so weak.
You can strike me down or
Jail me but you can never break me.
I am millstone to your grain.

Another one, undated, but which looks to be in late 2003:
In spite of being by myself,
As I continue to be,
I'd like to declare to the world
That this isn't my optimal state of being.

It's interesting to be reading, in poetry, the chronology of what happened to me after I came out to my parents. Immediately I was resolute and willfull and determined, ready to prove to the world that I could succeed and survive on my own. Two and a half years after the fact, I was tired, depressed, and had given up. Fast forward to four years after the dissolution of my halcyon days, and there's been another change- no longer at either extreme, I feel like I've come to peace with the fact that the world is far from perfect and that instead of fighting it or letting it beat me, I should just get on with my life.
I feel like high-school-me would be very disappointed in me today, but high-school-me was also stubborn to a fault and really pretentious. Certainly, however, I'm doing better today than I was a year or so ago.

Time Capsule, Cont'd

2005-04-02T16:18:00.000-08:00

I read about fifty or so poems, and most of them really suck as teenager poetry is apt to do, but I found one that I thought was amazing then and I still think is pretty good now- I wrote it in December of 2000, and I have absolutely no idea who it's supposed to be about.

Oh sweetness of exhileration
To know my time has come at last
Sweet clarity of illumination
That turns my tides, bears worlds anew.

You who pump my lifeblood
Deeper still than any other heart
And fuel my imagination it
Throbbing deeper than any other part.

Restless abandon of the norm
As our bodies come together
I won't let you go until you're warm
From the heat or our unity.

And blissful rest it comes at least
I sleep the sleep of true romance
That knows it's safe from roaming hands
Who tempt us from our longest dance.

Time capsules

2005-04-02T16:01:00.000-08:00

So, my family is moving, and that means I'm home for the weekend to pack away all my things into little boxes. What that means is that I'm going to spend five minutes pouring over every picture, journal entry, and poem I've ever acquired. This one from almost five years ago (and I can't believe it's already been almost five years since I started this journey) was particularly unsettling to read because for the most part it still holds true today, although I suppose I'd say it in different words and I've learned that it's not so black and white:

today some guy was telling me online that he's fine with gay people as long as he didn't have to see it. That fucking pissed me off. It's ok for a guy and a girl to do whatever they want but he doesn't want to see (and it freaks me out to use this label) us. I remember debating with andy over the use of 'labels'. I made the point that a black person is still black, no matter how good of a person he is or how he acts- classifications exist because of superficial differences we can use to tell each other apart. Now it might seem hypocritical of me not to want to be labeled "gay" but it's not a superficial thing. It goes deep and I can't understand why nobody can grasp that. I have a kindship with these people... It's so funny how dad prides himself so much on being 'Aryan' and white and "normal"... he freaks out at the slightest suggestion of us being minority. what if he knew that there is no more misunderstood pained wronged minority than his son? Would they still wish all fags to be burned in hell and ostracized? What bothers me the most is I get no choice in this being art of my life... I hate not having control and this one thing is taking such complete consuming control over absolutely everything I do or think and that scares me because I'm just tumbling rapidly into this stupid little stereotype that nobody likes. Those guys at the drama competition... they looked happpy. I want it to be like that. Why can't it be? That's not fair. I want to hold hands with my boyfriend and kiss him goodbye after school... why can't I??? The world is filled with people who pretend to be open-minded when they're not and that kind of hypocrisy just drives me mad and I want everyone to see that what I feel is not in my Dick it's in my HEART!!!! My finger hurts from writing this. My soul hurts from saying it.

Only seventeen, and already I was the master of melodrama.

April Fools, Bitches!

2005-04-01T20:46:00.000-08:00

The following people got punk'd today:
My friend Jordan, who I led to believe for some ten minutes that I had impregnated a girl who was finishing up her first trimester and steadfastly refused to have an abortion.
My friend Nick, who I led to believe for about a minute that my apartment had been broken into and completely ransacked.
My mom, who I tricked into thinking that I had lost my keys after having just payed a hundred bucks for a replacement set.
My neighbor, who I called to tell that my overweight roommate had a severe heart attack and was in ICU, unlikely to pull through.
The student council President, who I called to announce my resignation off of student council.
My friend-with-benefits, to tell him that I had contracted syphilis and that he has to go get tested.

Not in that order. I rule.

I still hate him.

2005-03-30T08:24:00.000-08:00

Whoever did a google search for fetal alcohol syndrome SCOTT SAVOL, please contact me. I want to have sex with you.

And while I'm at it, a brief rundown of last night:
Anwar Robinson, my usual favorite now that the sexalicious Mario Vazquez is gone, really let me down last night. That he's extremely evidently gay simply won't cut it anymore, I need more.
Nadia Turner, Vonzell Solomon, and Carrie Underwood are my top three picks at this point.
Bottom three: Jessica Sierra, who actually sang pretty dang well last night, but just doesn't have the personality; Anthony Fedorov, who I decided, if push comes to shove, I would have sex with, but still won't vote for; and, despite the fact that he just won't get voted off for some reason, Scott Savol. He's a monstrosity, I still don't get the appeal.
Every week that goes by, I love Vonzel more and more. She's so darn cute, and peppy, and she has this adorable something that just makes you want her to win. After last night I was convinced that it was a possibility, but I still think that it'll be either Carrie or Nadia to win. Coming into the top 12, the guys were definitely, definitely a stronger group, but suddenly for some reason the tables have turned and the women are ... sorry to be Paula Abdul here... in it to win it.

Party in the city where the heat is on

2005-03-29T17:10:00.000-08:00

So for all four of you who noticed I was gone, I'm back. I spent the week in Palm Beach and Miami, generally chilling and mostly having the time of my life. Actually, it wasn't really time-of-my-life level, but I did have a really good time on a number of counts- not the least of which was the existence of really, really, ridiculously good looking Miami men. If Mexicans were as hot as Cuban and Argentinian men are, trust me, nobody in California would be complaining about illegal immigrants.
Let me reiterate: Cuban = Hot. Argentinian = oh my fucking god.
The 18 year old busboy from Honduras who gave me his number = not bad, either.

Thank you, Craigslist

2005-03-20T01:28:00.000-08:00

I posted a missed connection in an attempt to marry the handsome man I telepathically flirted with for an hour and a half today.

The Master Cleanse

2005-03-17T15:40:00.000-08:00

First things first: yes, I didn't update on American Idol last night. No, I didn't forget. I just didn't feel like it. Lindsey got voted off like she should have, hooray, on with the show:

So, long story short, shortly after preparing and eating (for the first time) a very large quantity of Nogales cactus, I experienced an allergic reaction. Not one I would call severe, but just severely annoying. Six weeks later, my entire body is still breaking out into blisters. At first it was just my hands and my lips, where I actually touched the cactus. But soon it started spreading, as the toxins moved their way through my body and my infected hands started touching everything else on my body (my penis, for those of you who are bound to wonder, has miraculously been spared). Now I wake up in the middle of the night bleeding from scratching so hard in my sleep.
I am consistently on the verge of killing somebody. That's how bad it itches. So, my friends told me about this 'master cleanse' thing, where for a few days all you do is drink water with lemon, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper in it. And then every night you drink a laxative tea. You're supposed to do it for like ten days at a time, but since this is my first time I'm going to just do it for 3 (sunday is Persian New Year! I'm not staying hungry when there's sabzi-polo mahi to be had).
Anyway, right now I am having my first batch of the stuff.

...

Ew. It's not so bad that I'd quit before I even started, but maple syrup and cayenne pepper is a bizarre combination. It certainly doesn't taste good. However, I'm ready to say goodbye to the itching and scratching, and nothing else has worked, so maybe this will.

[UPDATE 7:40PM] After six hours of drinking the cleansing drink, every blister on my body has subsided a significant amount. And, I'm hungry. So, I'm gonna go get a quesadilla.

Found goodies:

2005-03-14T10:53:00.000-08:00

First, check out the awesome illustrations and hilarious animations by this guy. I can't remember the last time I was so entertained by flash cartoons. The illustrations are great, too. They're slightly Labanda-esque but more cartoony.

Then, after you're done being wowed by that, head over to ISO 50 (and their shop!) for some really cool graphic art. The t-shirts are cool but I liked the posters so much that I actually ended up buying three- The Worker's Party, Avian, and Skyway.

Via ISO 50, I ran into the music of Tycho. I'm not really huge on this type of music, as I prefer actual instruments and actual people, singing, but I have to give props where they are due. If I was a boutique-owning hipster, this guy's CD would be on regular rotation.

Meta, 1

2005-03-13T19:37:00.000-08:00

Contrary to what the majority of my posts would indicate, American Idol is not my entire life. However, the rest of my life at the moment- finals and assorted jackasses- aren't worth writing about. Stay tuned, though.

the show goes on: American Idol Week 3

2005-03-08T21:37:00.000-08:00

Last Week's Predictions: I'm not such a hotshot at the guessing game, it seems. At least I haven't been shut out quite yet. I was right about David Brown, wrong about everyone else. Give me a break, I didn't even get to watch the girls perform, alright? I must say I was unhappy with the loss of Aloha and Celena, whom I both liked.

Summary: To quote Paula, the guys really 'brought it' tonight, one after another. Except for Scott Savol, who brought nothing. His little dance was just sad, and his normally acceptable vocals weren't quite there tonight. He sang a song that, frankly, Clay Aiken did way, way better. Mario Vazquez shone as usual, as did Bo Bice, but the real surprise of the night was Anwar Robinson, who, besides absolutely blowing me away with the most delicious vocals so far this season, also managed to really, really turn me on. He looked so good tonight. Letdown: Travis Tucker. He's such a golden boy and his personality drives me wild, but he needs to focus on singing more, dancing less.
As is customary, I missed the girls' show again. Tuesday nights just aren't great for me.
Predictions
Bottom Two Guys: Constantine Maroulis, Scott Savol, or Nikko Smith
Bottom Two Girls: Here's some wishful thinking with no basis at all: Janay Castine, Linsey Cardinale, or Amanda Avila.
Analysis: The guys are so good this year that this early in the competition, good contenders are being voted off early in the game. Nikko and Constantine have been consistent but where each of the other contestants have managed to blow everyone away at least once, these two have not. As for Scott.... Scott, Scott, Scott... Seriously, why? Why would anyone vote for him?

Sidebar 1: I've been getting a lot of google searches enquiring about the ethnicity of a particular contestant. I really couldn't tell you about everyone, but I'm pretty sure that Nadia Turner is black. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Sidebar 2: It's not a post about American Idol if there's no speculation about who's gay and who's not. I propose, for your consideration: Jessica Sierra is ever-so-subtly butch, and she has a slight underbite. I have a slight underbite. I am also gay. There you go. Mario is not-so-subtly gay, although the immediately-disposed of-ambiguous-ethnicity cuteness-overload Jared Yates definitely beat him out on those grounds. Jared had the soft voice, probably soft hands despite years of work on the farm, and really, really good skin. But Jared doesn't matter. Mario does, because Mario will probably win the entire competition if Anwar doesn't. Anwar, unfortunately, is probably not gay but he's welcome to marry me regardless.

I bet everybody's already seen this but me:

2005-03-07T19:10:00.000-08:00

I love it when advertising and good design meet. Too bad it's for Microsoft. See more cool commercials here and here, and then feel bad about enjoying anything in the world by watching the videos here and reading about how heteronormativity is ruining the lives of everyone around us.

Our Diplomats are Hungry!

2005-03-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

I generally hold in disregard the websites of people who affix titles to their name which they haven't actually been born into, but Prince Roy's 'realm' is interesting because it's the blog of a foreign service worker who, because he works all over the globe doing diplomacy stuff, leads a life much more interesting than you or I. Mostly he takes pictures of the food he eats and the parties he goes to, which makes me understand a little better our diplomatic failure in Iraq. Our diplomats are hungry.
Check out the guy's other links, too. I've learnt more about diplomacy from looking at these websites than anything I've been able to scrape together off the State Department's site. Like, none of our diplomats know how to put together a decent layout. And they all seem to enjoy carting around bushels of children with them around the planet.
For the most part though, these people have lots of really interesting observations and they know how to write.

Relevent sidebar: I am taking the foreign service exam towards the end of April. Oh my god, dear god, please please please let me pass.

Iraqi Bloggers

2005-03-03T16:54:00.000-08:00

Does anybody know what happened to the woman who writes Baghdad Burning? She used to update pretty regularly and now she's been silent almost a month. I'm hoping it's just that her neighborhood has lost telephone connection or electricity, but I'm worried that she's hurt or worse.
Her website provides an amazing look into day-to-day life in Iraq. These glimpses are rare and valuable, because though there are hundreds of Iranian bloggers, I think I read on Hoder's website that there are only an estimated fifty or so Iraqi bloggers. I'm not sure why there's so few of them. I have a hard time believing that electricity or internet or wealth even is so scarce in Iraq that out of thirty million people, only fifty or so blog.

the saga continues: American Idol Week 2

2005-02-28T23:48:00.000-08:00

Last Week's Predictions: Not only was I wrong about the guys last week, I was way wrong. As is often the case, Jared Yates' unbelievable cuteness (extra credit: what ethnicity is he? I can't tell) had me incapable of believing he might get kicked off. Judd Harris though? Harsh. As for the girls? Ding ding ding! Both of the bottom two girls were in my bottom three.

Summary: Mario Vazquez completely brought it (Paula Abdul's lingo is rubbing off on me). No surprise there. I didn't think it was as good as last week, but that boy just makes me smile. I don't normally vote for the obvious choice because I like to support the underdogs, but I have to admit I tossed five or six his way. Anwar Robinson was a pleasant surprise- we knew he was good but his voice was like a dream tonight. Less impressive, but far prettier, was Travis Tucker. Tucker's performances are always lackluster, but as long as he keeps his mouth shut and his teeth out of sight, he is definitely one of the hottest guys on the show.
As far as the girls go, I was a little bit busy tuesday night, although definitely for a worthy cause. When called upon to be a judge in the Greek Week Talent Show, I thought of Simon and how brutal he would be, and I took the offer. So I didn't see the girls perform, so I can't give you guys a rundown of what I thought.
Predictions
Bottom Two Guys: It's between Scott Savol, David Brown, and Constantine Maroulis.
Bottom Two Girls: Based on last weeks performances, it's between Janay Castine, Linsey Cardinale, and Amanda Avila.
Analysis: I'm sorry- Savol's a great singer, and he even looks a little better with that new facial hair that keeps his double-chin out of sight, but gadzooks. He should just give up. Brown is OK, but I don't think there's room for him anymore. Maroulis is awesome overall, but his performance tonight was one long throaty scream, and between him and Bo Bice, Bice is better.

ways to spend your cash, ep. one

2005-02-25T12:10:00.000-08:00

I like to think of myself as a rare hybrid of social activist and capitalism publicist. You know how it is- I put in the hard time reading Adbusters and complaining about the culture of 'cool', but I also shop at Bloomingdales because nobody is ever going to take me seriously if I look like a bum.

Sometimes, though, I really don't mind the universe of products constantly bombarding me, as long as they do it elegantly. Hence my fascination with Wallpaper* magazine and the entire city of Dubai. Spend, spend, spend! Just make me something pretty.

On that note, here are some nifty websites I've discovered that shill cool doodads that I would definitely buy if I had a real job: Sternform Produktdesign, Viceversa (creators of the amazing Voodoo Knife Rack), and Treehugger. Treehugger smells like part of Nick Denton's Gawker empire, but it's not. Rather, it promotes a wide array of ecologically-responsible products that utilize good design sensibilities as well.

you heard it here first: American Idol Week 1

2005-02-22T21:20:00.000-08:00

Summary: Mario Vazquez might as well be the only guy performing, because- oh wait, he is. Fortunately, between him and Judd Harris, there was enough actual movement to make up for the snores in between. Honorable mentions tonight: Bo Bice and Constantine Maroulis for doing us the favor of not sucking like the "Rocker" candidates always do on this show, and Jared Yates for being so dang cute.
The girl's performances were an altogether less interesting matter, but that probably has more to do with the fact that I don't want to have sex with any of them then that they weren't any good. Nadia Turner was the only person on stage who really looked like she knew what she was doing, and Vonzell Solomon just looked like she was having the time of her life. Her attitude is adorable and she has a voice to match. ~~Fran Drescher~~ Mikalah Gordon had a much weaker voice than I was expecting, but she's got that cult-of-personality thing going which will keep her in the competition pretty late.

Predictions
The Bottom Two Guys: Take your pic between Anthony Federov, Nikko Smith, and Scott Savol.
The Bottom Two Girls: Definitely Sarah Mather, and either Lindsey Cardinale or Melinda Lira.
Analysis: Technically, Savol's voice was impressive, and he already appears to be losing some weight and trying to schnazz up his look a bit, but let's not kid ourselves- he's uglier than sin. Smith will suffer from an uncompelling appearance too early in the show, while Federov (though likely to receive the sympathy white supremicist vote) will just suffer from being uncompelling.
Mather's worst shortcoming is that she looks like a fish with fetal alcohol syndrome who can't sing. And, true to her looks, she can't sing. Cardinale and Lira are not guilty of such grevious errors, but they weren't exactly star material, if you know what I mean.
Final Thoughts: Simon Cowell has balls/is going to hell for basically propositioning Amanda Avila for oral sex.

tumult both on earth and online

2005-02-22T13:22:00.000-08:00

The earthquake in Zarand, Iran which has so far killed nearly 400 highlights yet another symptom of malaise in Iran. While building codes exist, it's no secret that these aren't enforced- last year's Bam earthquake brought attention to the matter- and corrupt government officials look the other way or take bribes to allow speculators to profit. Perhaps the government sends in relief workers after the fact, but even better than food and medical care for victims would be prevention.

This blatant disregard for the lives and wellbeing of the people of Iran by its own government is all-encompassing. The Committee to Protect Bloggers is currently staging a world-wide protest (both online and off) in support of two bloggers, Arash and Mojtaba, who are facing the heat for insulting leaders. Arash has already been sentenced to fourteen years in prison. For American lovers of freedom: consider that. As much as we are outraged when we hear about things like the Secret Service questioning students over anti-war statements, it does not compare to fourteen years in Iranian prison. If you'd like to speak your mind to the Iranian representative in the Embassy of Pakistan, contact information can be found here. If you'd like to spread the word, here's the official banner to put on your website (it's not a human rights campaign if you don't have a banner!):

you don't know me, but I'm back

2005-02-21T16:58:00.000-08:00

I never thought I'd get back into this, because not having to come up with content every few days for the last couple of years has really been a blessing- but, the realization has set in that I am a journaling creature, and since nobody ever comments in the diary on my bedstand, here I am.

My name is Kai. I'm 21, I'm middle-eastern, I'm gay, and if you're either you know how big a pain in the ass it is to be both. Over the few years since I last blogged I've developed a lot of insight on what it means to live this life- to be gay in a straight world; to be Iranian in America; etc.- and I think that as a whole this group of people lacks a voice.

I take that back. It doesn't exactly lack a voice: It lacks a voice that isn't a mockery of those it represents. I'm highly concerned with politics but I'm not a politico. I'm really interested in activism but I'm not an activist. I am a writer, a storyteller, and a diplomat, and frankly I think I'm well-equipped to be those things: I'm also hilarious, charming, and sexy.

My goal is for this blog to cover a lot of ground. I'd like to include lots of links in both English and Farsi to important happenings in Iran and around the world. I'll also be writing about gay life as it pertains to being Persian as well as in general. I'll also complain about school, men, and family. Stick around- it's only gonna get better.